Steph added a session for tomorrow morning so we don't have an 11-day gap between sessions. This will be my 14th medical-based appointment since Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if I've been to that many medical appointments in the rest of the decade combined - but that's neither here nor there.
I had my first pudding incident in weeks yesterday at my family's Christmas gathering at Mom's. It's a small place which hosted 17 people, all excited and talking and enjoying each other's company at the same time. I went about four hours as a normal person, but hit the wall around 5pm. I'm still woogy this morning.
Yesterday was the last major gathering of the major gathering season, thankfully. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy spending time with family and friends, but in my current state I'm better off taking everybody in smaller chunks. New Years' Eve will max out at eight people, then normalcy returns with small groupings peppering the workaday office-to-home daily grind. On the PCS front, I look forward to the relative simplicity of life being mostly Sally, the cats and me.
30 December 2007
23 December 2007
Progress Continues
Steph says I'm doing really well with the eye exercises. I have also been given clearance to start doing work-out-type exercises again, which makes me very happy. I'm starting small, but eventually I'll get back to the cross-overs and push-ups that had me running like a machine before.
The eye execrcises are getting more dizzifying, but I'm doing them anyway. Steph has confirmed that the sets I'm on now would make most normal people dizzy, so that makes me feel much less feeble.
I have a few days "off" now (meaning I don't have to drive to Medina to work... just Cleveland, Austintown, and Beachwood for holiday things), but Wednesday I'm back in therapy. January, I'll only be in therapy on Tuesdays - after that, who knows. Maybe I'll be normal again.
The eye execrcises are getting more dizzifying, but I'm doing them anyway. Steph has confirmed that the sets I'm on now would make most normal people dizzy, so that makes me feel much less feeble.
I have a few days "off" now (meaning I don't have to drive to Medina to work... just Cleveland, Austintown, and Beachwood for holiday things), but Wednesday I'm back in therapy. January, I'll only be in therapy on Tuesdays - after that, who knows. Maybe I'll be normal again.
14 December 2007
Therapy Gets Physical
I don't know if I've mentioned this (and I'm too lazy to look it up), but my PT with Tina and Steph is held at the Akron General Health and Wellness Center in Montrose which is largely a workout gym with doctor's office space and a Subway. Still, it's pretty kick-ass.
My last couple sessions with Steph have been held in the main workout area, since she was working with me and other patients in physical rehab simultaneously. My execrises are all eye-coordination based, so I'm standing facing the wall looking to the average observer like I'm doing nothing with a background of every concievable piece of workout equipment being operated by everybody from overachieving mall-walkers to mini-Scwarzenegger iPod-sporting walking muscles.
Between sets of eyeball exercises, I look longingly at all the wonderful exercise equipment. I miss working out even more than I thought I would, and seeing all these people freely exercising on world-class machinery makes me nearly drool with envy. While those sweaty-but-lucky stiffs work their obliques on equipment ergonomically and physiologically engineered to maximize muscular performance through resistance training and energy retention, I'm batting a lavender balloon back and forth with Steph (No shit - it was a test of my reaction time and reflexes. At least that's what Steph told me... either that or she's one of the shittiest balloon-batters on record - I actually kicked a few of them into play like a valiumed-up soccer ball they were so far out of reach!)
There's the balloon-batting exercise and the soccer-ball-swinging exercise where I hold the ball with both hands outstretched and focus my eyes on the logo while swinging it up and down, then sideways. The point of that exercise was to reacclimate me to the peripheral vision-blur of rapid panoramic motion, but I kind of cheated and turned into a bit of an oblique exercise by turning much farther than required. Sure, the blur nearly made me puke, but I snuck in an ab exercise under the radar. Tee hee.
After those highly useful yet decidedly unstudly exercises, Steph said that she noticed I was hunching my shoulders forward even while exercising (a common unconscious defensive reaction following a severe head-bonking). She then said the words I never thought I was going to hear again... "I'm going to set you up on one of these machines over here to work out your shoulders so they'll relax."
A physical therapist telling me to engage in physical exercise... with a cool machine and everything! It was just five minutes at a low setting on a handbike, but for the first time in four friggin' months, I felt like I was actually honest-to-Pete recovering all the way to the core of my being.
Of course as I type now after my fifth straight full workday in December as an accountant whose office went sans-receptionist this week (Jenna caught the infamous Thing Going 'Round), the inside of my skull feels like a used pipecleaner and my vision is so blurry I'd give Lindsay Lohan the keys... but dammit - I FEEL like I'm recovering!
My last couple sessions with Steph have been held in the main workout area, since she was working with me and other patients in physical rehab simultaneously. My execrises are all eye-coordination based, so I'm standing facing the wall looking to the average observer like I'm doing nothing with a background of every concievable piece of workout equipment being operated by everybody from overachieving mall-walkers to mini-Scwarzenegger iPod-sporting walking muscles.
Between sets of eyeball exercises, I look longingly at all the wonderful exercise equipment. I miss working out even more than I thought I would, and seeing all these people freely exercising on world-class machinery makes me nearly drool with envy. While those sweaty-but-lucky stiffs work their obliques on equipment ergonomically and physiologically engineered to maximize muscular performance through resistance training and energy retention, I'm batting a lavender balloon back and forth with Steph (No shit - it was a test of my reaction time and reflexes. At least that's what Steph told me... either that or she's one of the shittiest balloon-batters on record - I actually kicked a few of them into play like a valiumed-up soccer ball they were so far out of reach!)
There's the balloon-batting exercise and the soccer-ball-swinging exercise where I hold the ball with both hands outstretched and focus my eyes on the logo while swinging it up and down, then sideways. The point of that exercise was to reacclimate me to the peripheral vision-blur of rapid panoramic motion, but I kind of cheated and turned into a bit of an oblique exercise by turning much farther than required. Sure, the blur nearly made me puke, but I snuck in an ab exercise under the radar. Tee hee.
After those highly useful yet decidedly unstudly exercises, Steph said that she noticed I was hunching my shoulders forward even while exercising (a common unconscious defensive reaction following a severe head-bonking). She then said the words I never thought I was going to hear again... "I'm going to set you up on one of these machines over here to work out your shoulders so they'll relax."
A physical therapist telling me to engage in physical exercise... with a cool machine and everything! It was just five minutes at a low setting on a handbike, but for the first time in four friggin' months, I felt like I was actually honest-to-Pete recovering all the way to the core of my being.
Of course as I type now after my fifth straight full workday in December as an accountant whose office went sans-receptionist this week (Jenna caught the infamous Thing Going 'Round), the inside of my skull feels like a used pipecleaner and my vision is so blurry I'd give Lindsay Lohan the keys... but dammit - I FEEL like I'm recovering!
12 December 2007
6 December 2007 - Steph the Head Shaker and Vestibular Evaluation
I have to admit I was leery about "alignment" of "crystals", but I'm in no condition to deny myself any potential avenue of treatment, no matter how New-Agey it sounds. Turns out that within five minutes of evaluation with Steph, she had me diagnosed with something very sciencey-sounding.
When I bonked my head, something happenned with the relationship between my brain and my eyes. My eyes are acting like an eight-year-old in the candy section of the grocery store screaming "I WANT THAT!" at every visual stimulus within my panoramic view, and my brain is his Prozaced-up exhausted working mother saying "OK, Dear..." and shrugsmirking to her agitated fellow shoppers.
The eyes are taking in so much stimulus that the brain (which ain't exactly at top performance anyway) is even more overwhelmed, leading to dizziness, headaches, confusion and further exhaustion. Makes sense to me, but I'd never have thought of that. I guess that's why they have physical therapists.
I have a slew of follow-up appointments for the rest of 2007 (of which the first is tonight) and eyeball-discipline-training exercises to do every day. Over the weekend, I felt real change with the exercises, but the workweek has been so over-the-top nuts that I can't honestly claim noticing any long-term cumulative effects. We'll see tonight at 6.
When I bonked my head, something happenned with the relationship between my brain and my eyes. My eyes are acting like an eight-year-old in the candy section of the grocery store screaming "I WANT THAT!" at every visual stimulus within my panoramic view, and my brain is his Prozaced-up exhausted working mother saying "OK, Dear..." and shrugsmirking to her agitated fellow shoppers.
The eyes are taking in so much stimulus that the brain (which ain't exactly at top performance anyway) is even more overwhelmed, leading to dizziness, headaches, confusion and further exhaustion. Makes sense to me, but I'd never have thought of that. I guess that's why they have physical therapists.
I have a slew of follow-up appointments for the rest of 2007 (of which the first is tonight) and eyeball-discipline-training exercises to do every day. Over the weekend, I felt real change with the exercises, but the workweek has been so over-the-top nuts that I can't honestly claim noticing any long-term cumulative effects. We'll see tonight at 6.
03 December 2007
3 December 2007 - Tina, Results of the ImPACT Test and Memory/Speech Therapy
Even my good news sucks.
Results of the ImPACT test weren't particularly surprising or telling... my short-term recall is less than the average person's especially when wordless pictures are involved, and my reaction time is a little below average. The bad/good news came during the therapy session.
Tina asked me all kinds of easy questions like name different animals, drinks, words that start with the letter "d", so on and so on. Some I did well, some not so much. Then she gave the The Ultimate Test. She wrote twelve words on a sheet of paper, gave me three minutes to study them, then I had to write them down on a separate piece of paper straight from memory.
I immediately started grouping words together using silly mental pictures as a memory tool. I think the first three words were "Turtle" Hand" and "shovel", so in my mind, Cecil Turtle was playing in the sandbox with a hand shovel. I did a bunch of those, then when my three minutes were up, wrote all twelve words down in order.
Tina was stunned, and she said I'm functioning on too high a level for her to help. She's a toolmaster - she comes up with devices to help with memory like the goofy picture thing. I listed all the techniques I was using during our tests, and she basically said I already knew everything she could teach me.
Tools aren't my problem - I've got the tools. It's just getting into the woodshed is more of a chore than it needs to be. At least Tina was honest and didn't try to milk me for a few more sessions.
Thursday morning will be Steph the Head Shaker. If she can fix my equilibrium, I'll be more than half way home.
Results of the ImPACT test weren't particularly surprising or telling... my short-term recall is less than the average person's especially when wordless pictures are involved, and my reaction time is a little below average. The bad/good news came during the therapy session.
Tina asked me all kinds of easy questions like name different animals, drinks, words that start with the letter "d", so on and so on. Some I did well, some not so much. Then she gave the The Ultimate Test. She wrote twelve words on a sheet of paper, gave me three minutes to study them, then I had to write them down on a separate piece of paper straight from memory.
I immediately started grouping words together using silly mental pictures as a memory tool. I think the first three words were "Turtle" Hand" and "shovel", so in my mind, Cecil Turtle was playing in the sandbox with a hand shovel. I did a bunch of those, then when my three minutes were up, wrote all twelve words down in order.
Tina was stunned, and she said I'm functioning on too high a level for her to help. She's a toolmaster - she comes up with devices to help with memory like the goofy picture thing. I listed all the techniques I was using during our tests, and she basically said I already knew everything she could teach me.
Tools aren't my problem - I've got the tools. It's just getting into the woodshed is more of a chore than it needs to be. At least Tina was honest and didn't try to milk me for a few more sessions.
Thursday morning will be Steph the Head Shaker. If she can fix my equilibrium, I'll be more than half way home.
02 December 2007
28 November 2007 - Tina, Speech and Memory Therapy Person and the ImPACT Test
Dr. Sanchez set me up to take this thing called an ImPACT test. Beats the hell out of me what the capital letters mean, but that's what the thing was called. At 5pm Tuesday, I went into Tina's office and sat through a battery of the same questions I have been asked and answered at least fifteen times since this all started. Normally, that would grind me, since redundancy is a raging pet peeve of mine, but since (a) different people are doing it, (b) each one has a different specialty and will pick up on something new in each of my answers and (c) my memory so entirely sucks that I can barely recall doing this before, I gladly comply.
As I was describing my dizziness, a lightbulb went on over Tina's head. She said that I was describing sensations which are spot-on something that her colleague Stephanie works with - Vestibular Alignment. Beats the poo out of me what that means too, but Tina described it as putting some equilibrium crystals in my skull back where they belong after they got knocked out of place by the pipe incident. That sounds rather new-agey, but Akron General sponsors it and Anthem covers it - and at this point if a doctor told me sacrificing a chicken to Guluundu at dawn would work (and Anthem covered it), my alarm is set and knives are sharpened.
Then we did the ImPACT Test. It is a battery of little computerized mental exercises that evaluates short-term memory, reaction time, and brain-hand-eye coordination. One of the tests was as simple as "Hit the Q key when you see a red circle and the P key when you see a blue square." Some were more brain screwing-withing such as "Click the mouse when the color of the word and the word itself match" then they slap you with the word "GREEN" written in blue, the word "BLUE" written in red, and so on. I felt my brain sweating by the time I was done with that thing.
Some of the feedback was instant, some is to be evaluated by Dr. Sanchez and Tina to give them and idea of just how messed up I am so they know when and how to proceed. I'll probably find out more tomorrow morning when I meet Tina for my Speech / Memory Therapy session.
As I was describing my dizziness, a lightbulb went on over Tina's head. She said that I was describing sensations which are spot-on something that her colleague Stephanie works with - Vestibular Alignment. Beats the poo out of me what that means too, but Tina described it as putting some equilibrium crystals in my skull back where they belong after they got knocked out of place by the pipe incident. That sounds rather new-agey, but Akron General sponsors it and Anthem covers it - and at this point if a doctor told me sacrificing a chicken to Guluundu at dawn would work (and Anthem covered it), my alarm is set and knives are sharpened.
Then we did the ImPACT Test. It is a battery of little computerized mental exercises that evaluates short-term memory, reaction time, and brain-hand-eye coordination. One of the tests was as simple as "Hit the Q key when you see a red circle and the P key when you see a blue square." Some were more brain screwing-withing such as "Click the mouse when the color of the word and the word itself match" then they slap you with the word "GREEN" written in blue, the word "BLUE" written in red, and so on. I felt my brain sweating by the time I was done with that thing.
Some of the feedback was instant, some is to be evaluated by Dr. Sanchez and Tina to give them and idea of just how messed up I am so they know when and how to proceed. I'll probably find out more tomorrow morning when I meet Tina for my Speech / Memory Therapy session.
01 December 2007
27 Nov 2007 - Dr. Sanchez, Concussion Doctor
For the first time in this three-month-plus ordeal, I found someone in the medical industry who actually gave me a course of action with respect to addressing the source of my troubles. Dr. Sanchez works mainly with athletes to get them back to playing shape as quickly and safely as possible after concussions. His therapy is exercise-based - very similar to the one that Sally discovered online from the University of Buffalo.
Unfortunately, Dr. Sanchez said we can't work on the therapy until I'm done showing symptoms of the concussion - mainly the dizziness and headaches. However, he did outline a plan of attack. First thing I needed to do was take this thing called an ImPACT test, a computerized test of hand-eye-brain coordination, to get a baseline. Periodically, I'll retest and see how far along I've come. Once I hit a particular level (I don't know what that is) and the dizziness goes away, I can start exercising again.
Once I get to execrise, I may begin to feel useful again. At this point of the ordeal, by far the worst symptom of my Post Concussive Syndrome is having to watch my beloved wife Sally try to keep up with everything - job, housework, yardwork, James-and-Jon maintenance, groceries, and now Holiday crap - while I sit around uselessly. It's not unlike prison, really, except the food is better and my butthole is safe. Every extra day I have to sit like this raises the bar on The Worst Day Of My Life. Pretty wicked downward spiral, this.
Consequently, every day sooner I can get over this stage of PCS is one day closer to my contributing to a positive quality of life in this house. I'm no big flag-waver for Hope, when Hope is all I have to make myself worth a lukewarm damn, I need to remember to get on the bandwagon.
Unfortunately, Dr. Sanchez said we can't work on the therapy until I'm done showing symptoms of the concussion - mainly the dizziness and headaches. However, he did outline a plan of attack. First thing I needed to do was take this thing called an ImPACT test, a computerized test of hand-eye-brain coordination, to get a baseline. Periodically, I'll retest and see how far along I've come. Once I hit a particular level (I don't know what that is) and the dizziness goes away, I can start exercising again.
Once I get to execrise, I may begin to feel useful again. At this point of the ordeal, by far the worst symptom of my Post Concussive Syndrome is having to watch my beloved wife Sally try to keep up with everything - job, housework, yardwork, James-and-Jon maintenance, groceries, and now Holiday crap - while I sit around uselessly. It's not unlike prison, really, except the food is better and my butthole is safe. Every extra day I have to sit like this raises the bar on The Worst Day Of My Life. Pretty wicked downward spiral, this.
Consequently, every day sooner I can get over this stage of PCS is one day closer to my contributing to a positive quality of life in this house. I'm no big flag-waver for Hope, when Hope is all I have to make myself worth a lukewarm damn, I need to remember to get on the bandwagon.
30 November 2007
Playing Catchup
So much has happened so fast this week that everybody (including me) has fallen behind the curve. I'll do my best to catch you up, but between all this activity and hope coinciding with Tom and Amy's behbeh Teagan Rae's earthly debut (yay!), and a busy busy work week all after a four-day "weekend" in which Sally and I combined for well over 1000 miles of driving, I'm kinda pooped. Sorry about that.
I'll post in order of what happened what day to keep things as clear as possible. Since my memory really, truly, horribly sucks - I'll scratch notes down so we all know what I should be writing about... especially me:
27 November 2007 - Dr. Sanchez, Concussion Doctor
28 November 2007 - Tina, Speech and Memory Therapy Person and the ImPACT Test
Next Week:
3 December 2007 - Tina, Results of the ImPACT Test and Memory/Speech Therapy
6 December 2007 - Steph the Head Shaker and Vestibular Evaluation (something to realign the loosened balance nuggets in my dome.)
I'll post in order of what happened what day to keep things as clear as possible. Since my memory really, truly, horribly sucks - I'll scratch notes down so we all know what I should be writing about... especially me:
27 November 2007 - Dr. Sanchez, Concussion Doctor
28 November 2007 - Tina, Speech and Memory Therapy Person and the ImPACT Test
Next Week:
3 December 2007 - Tina, Results of the ImPACT Test and Memory/Speech Therapy
6 December 2007 - Steph the Head Shaker and Vestibular Evaluation (something to realign the loosened balance nuggets in my dome.)
17 November 2007
Light
On Tuesday, my condition got so bad (dizziness to the point of nausea) that I left work to talk to my GP. She FINALLY gave me a quasi-official-yet-still-unmalpracticeable diagnosis: Post Concussive Syndrome. As no-duh as such a diagnosis as that may be, it gave Sally and I something to work with.
Phyllis (the GP) said all my symptoms run right down the checklist of those of PCS. Our quickie-independent-study confirmed that. Sally then looked up treatments (for which Phyllis said there were none known - but she's a GP not specializing in neurologocial disorders, so no slight to her). The University of Buffalo conducted a study on sports-related PCS sufferers where a regimen of light and directed exercise and... get this... NO DRUGS... not only improved the symptoms (of which I have noted exhaustively below), but also improved brain performance - thus working on the source! How novel!
It gets better. One of the doctors involved in the UB study recently set up camp at Akron General and his understudy is conducting further tests in the same vein at the spiffy new AG Health & Wellness Center in Montrose - halfway between home and work, right on 18. When Sally asked if he had room for another subject on Friday, his receptionist said they could work me in that day if necessary. Heh heh... working out for the first time in three months under a doctor's supervision as THERAPY for this PCS crap ENTIRELY covered by my insurance? I'll take two with cheese, please!
My final visit with Dr. Wolverine's team in Monday afternoon. I will let Maria (the Nurse Practictioner assigned to my case) know about everything on my way out the door, ask for a referral (even though it's unneccesary - but with Health Insurance, I'll gladly walk the white line as long as it ends where I wanted to be in the first place) and keep her updated if she so desires.
Looks good, eh? Yeah, well enough of that crap. It's 11am on OSU-TSUN day. GO BUCKS! Kick Lloyd's 'Rrhoids!
Phyllis (the GP) said all my symptoms run right down the checklist of those of PCS. Our quickie-independent-study confirmed that. Sally then looked up treatments (for which Phyllis said there were none known - but she's a GP not specializing in neurologocial disorders, so no slight to her). The University of Buffalo conducted a study on sports-related PCS sufferers where a regimen of light and directed exercise and... get this... NO DRUGS... not only improved the symptoms (of which I have noted exhaustively below), but also improved brain performance - thus working on the source! How novel!
It gets better. One of the doctors involved in the UB study recently set up camp at Akron General and his understudy is conducting further tests in the same vein at the spiffy new AG Health & Wellness Center in Montrose - halfway between home and work, right on 18. When Sally asked if he had room for another subject on Friday, his receptionist said they could work me in that day if necessary. Heh heh... working out for the first time in three months under a doctor's supervision as THERAPY for this PCS crap ENTIRELY covered by my insurance? I'll take two with cheese, please!
My final visit with Dr. Wolverine's team in Monday afternoon. I will let Maria (the Nurse Practictioner assigned to my case) know about everything on my way out the door, ask for a referral (even though it's unneccesary - but with Health Insurance, I'll gladly walk the white line as long as it ends where I wanted to be in the first place) and keep her updated if she so desires.
Looks good, eh? Yeah, well enough of that crap. It's 11am on OSU-TSUN day. GO BUCKS! Kick Lloyd's 'Rrhoids!
11 November 2007
Another Lost Weekend
When your wife hires church kids to clean your house and rake your lawn while your ass grows roots in the sofa to take in an entire competitive Browns-Steelers game, you've got a great wife.
When you wish your wife didn't have to do that because you'd rather be able to take care of the leaves yourself, you've been laid up for too damned long.
I find myself feeling guilty for *not* being in awe-inspiring pain these days, because the only time I'm not in pain is when I take it easy and don't do too much.
Yesterday I drove around a bit. Driving for an hour takes as much out of me as walking for an hour used to - if not more. It wasn't too bad - I felt a little drained and a little dizzy, but nothing I'd call awful. Today the only thing I lifted was a slice of pizza. (Granted, it was a deep-dish pizza from Rasicci's, so for pizza, it was rather hefty.) The dull throb is quite noticeable and constant. To steal a phrase from Kip: This sucks worse than the suckiest suck that ever sucked a suck.
When you wish your wife didn't have to do that because you'd rather be able to take care of the leaves yourself, you've been laid up for too damned long.
I find myself feeling guilty for *not* being in awe-inspiring pain these days, because the only time I'm not in pain is when I take it easy and don't do too much.
Yesterday I drove around a bit. Driving for an hour takes as much out of me as walking for an hour used to - if not more. It wasn't too bad - I felt a little drained and a little dizzy, but nothing I'd call awful. Today the only thing I lifted was a slice of pizza. (Granted, it was a deep-dish pizza from Rasicci's, so for pizza, it was rather hefty.) The dull throb is quite noticeable and constant. To steal a phrase from Kip: This sucks worse than the suckiest suck that ever sucked a suck.
07 November 2007
Clarification
When I say the head pain is "gone", I mean the head pain is down to the dull-thud level it has maintained non-stop during my best times since August. I've gotten to the point where I can ignore that largely.
My main concerns are two-fold: the confusion and the inability to do anything physical.
Confusion: Any time I'm in a particularly busy setting (multiple conversations, many different sounds, flashing colors in many directions, etc.) I become paralyzed. I am entire unable to keep up with any one element since so many are coming at me at once. Regular garden-variety confusion still hits me when I'm mentally exhausted, but the type above is the type that bothers me the most - it strikes 100% of the time.
Physical Activity: The idea of making Sally shovel the driveway once we get heavy snowfall is devouring what's left of my self-respect. She does everything else - I will not make her suit up like Ralphie's little brother after a full day of work and hork a shovel up and down our 50-foot driveway. Usually, we can pay or talk somebody into digging us out, but last Valentine's Day we got 14 inches of snow - enough that neither of us could pull into the driveway without shovelling. I usually get home first. If such a thing happens again without my head getting better, expect to find my car in the street and me passed out in the driveway next to a freshly-dropped shovel.
My main concerns are two-fold: the confusion and the inability to do anything physical.
Confusion: Any time I'm in a particularly busy setting (multiple conversations, many different sounds, flashing colors in many directions, etc.) I become paralyzed. I am entire unable to keep up with any one element since so many are coming at me at once. Regular garden-variety confusion still hits me when I'm mentally exhausted, but the type above is the type that bothers me the most - it strikes 100% of the time.
Physical Activity: The idea of making Sally shovel the driveway once we get heavy snowfall is devouring what's left of my self-respect. She does everything else - I will not make her suit up like Ralphie's little brother after a full day of work and hork a shovel up and down our 50-foot driveway. Usually, we can pay or talk somebody into digging us out, but last Valentine's Day we got 14 inches of snow - enough that neither of us could pull into the driveway without shovelling. I usually get home first. If such a thing happens again without my head getting better, expect to find my car in the street and me passed out in the driveway next to a freshly-dropped shovel.
02 November 2007
Frustrated and More Frustrated
I got tired of this "matter of time" business... it just doesn't make sense. There should be some kind of test. If the post-concussion effect is brought on by a brain chemical imbalance, logic would dictate that's testable. Since no physical damage appeared on the pictures, I don't know what else it could be but chemical.
So I sought a redirect / second opinion from my Primary Care Physician. I contacted her nurse at around 11am yesterday. On my drive home, the nurse called back and said that my PCP insists that there is no testing that can solve anything and she's got me seeing the best people available for my condition.
The best people for my condition talk to me for twenty minutes once every five weeks, issue me band-aid drugs and send me off no better or better-informed that when I left. Nothing I have experienced from this months-long saga disabuses me of my long-held distrust of the American for-profit medical system: If treating the symptoms is more profitable than finding a cure, treat the symptoms until the patient dies or gets better on his/her own.
I have no court-of-law proof of this, just 25+ years of studying the for-profit business model, huge-dollar EOBs for nothing more than headache treatments, three months-plus of my productive life flushed... not to mention a sister dead from cancer at age 43. Too bad she didn't get the infinitely more insidious and deadly plague that was Chronic Limp-Dick - she'd have four or five freshly-invented cures in the last ten years from which to choose.
All the research and fundraising by The American LimpDick Society, Relay for Wood, and March of Dongs really paid off!
(Note: This stopped being about me, didn't it?)
So I sought a redirect / second opinion from my Primary Care Physician. I contacted her nurse at around 11am yesterday. On my drive home, the nurse called back and said that my PCP insists that there is no testing that can solve anything and she's got me seeing the best people available for my condition.
The best people for my condition talk to me for twenty minutes once every five weeks, issue me band-aid drugs and send me off no better or better-informed that when I left. Nothing I have experienced from this months-long saga disabuses me of my long-held distrust of the American for-profit medical system: If treating the symptoms is more profitable than finding a cure, treat the symptoms until the patient dies or gets better on his/her own.
I have no court-of-law proof of this, just 25+ years of studying the for-profit business model, huge-dollar EOBs for nothing more than headache treatments, three months-plus of my productive life flushed... not to mention a sister dead from cancer at age 43. Too bad she didn't get the infinitely more insidious and deadly plague that was Chronic Limp-Dick - she'd have four or five freshly-invented cures in the last ten years from which to choose.
All the research and fundraising by The American LimpDick Society, Relay for Wood, and March of Dongs really paid off!
(Note: This stopped being about me, didn't it?)
27 October 2007
Headaches Are Back...
I'm trying to live like a normal human being (although I have still left exercising out of my day for safety's sake). It works, kinda, except the headaches are back now. It's a Saturday and I haven't done much thinking at all, but my head hurts.
I'm out of guesses here.
...and Go Bucks!
I'm out of guesses here.
...and Go Bucks!
19 October 2007
I have to admit...
it's getting better. Getting better all the time. (It can't get much worse...)
The new dosage has so far allowed me to walk at a normal pace for pretty much the entire day (with small slow-down periods), pretty decent brain function with only intermittent confusion, and I wasn't mentally spent at work this week until 3:30 pm on Friday.
Of course, I didn't attempt any evening work this week thanks to Tribe ALCS games on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. If I ever get a normal week, we'll see precisely how much better I am. Until then, I pop more pills.
The new dosage has so far allowed me to walk at a normal pace for pretty much the entire day (with small slow-down periods), pretty decent brain function with only intermittent confusion, and I wasn't mentally spent at work this week until 3:30 pm on Friday.
Of course, I didn't attempt any evening work this week thanks to Tribe ALCS games on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. If I ever get a normal week, we'll see precisely how much better I am. Until then, I pop more pills.
15 October 2007
Today's Appointment
I talked with the Nurse Practitioner today (fortunately, Doctor Wolverine left himself out of the discussion this time). The current diagnosis is that all this crap is an aftereffect from the bonk on the head I took back in July. I'll chat with her again in five weeks, but in the meantime, they're increasing my dosage of the D-stuff to 50mg (now 1/3rd of full-strength).
If they're right, I'm happy. If they're right, I'll be getting progressively better throughout the next five weeks. If they aren't right, three months of my productive life will have slipped past the urinal grate, and we'll be right back at Square One.
I mentioned everything that was on our list. She said all the symptoms I have are consistent with "closed-head trauma" or whatever technical term they use for a bonk on the bean. Even symptoms waiting for six weeks to re-spring like that are not unusual, apparently.
I'm going to act as if they're right, and time and medication is the best course of action. I'm going to work through pain more often as if I'm not affected, because being useless doesn't help anybody. That will either make me stronger or make me critical. Either way, a problem gets solved - be it through recovery or by medical emergency forcing somebody in a lab coat to test something.
(At least the NP used some of her medical instruments today. I remember the light thing and the little reflex hammer - that's a start!)
If they're right, I'm happy. If they're right, I'll be getting progressively better throughout the next five weeks. If they aren't right, three months of my productive life will have slipped past the urinal grate, and we'll be right back at Square One.
I mentioned everything that was on our list. She said all the symptoms I have are consistent with "closed-head trauma" or whatever technical term they use for a bonk on the bean. Even symptoms waiting for six weeks to re-spring like that are not unusual, apparently.
I'm going to act as if they're right, and time and medication is the best course of action. I'm going to work through pain more often as if I'm not affected, because being useless doesn't help anybody. That will either make me stronger or make me critical. Either way, a problem gets solved - be it through recovery or by medical emergency forcing somebody in a lab coat to test something.
(At least the NP used some of her medical instruments today. I remember the light thing and the little reflex hammer - that's a start!)
14 October 2007
Asking for Ideas
I go in tomorrow at 3:30 pm. Somebody needs to diagnose something if I'm ever going to get better, and it's painfully obvious that Team Wolverine would rather I take the fore. Problem: I'm semi-retarded.
I have a short list of potential problems / tests to take into the appointment tomorrow that I have gleaned from a variety of sources... mainly you guys. If you have anything to add to the list, please comment to this post.
Currently on the list:
Staph Infection
Pinched Artery in Neck/Shoulder (or other cause of low bloodflow to the brain)
Stress / Depression / Other Chemical Imbalance
Try Blood Test
Try Balance Test (to see if one physical side of head is more affected)
I can't imagine it could be anything other than these since my MRI and CT scans are clean, but my imaginer isn't so good these days. All help is greatly appreciated.
I have a short list of potential problems / tests to take into the appointment tomorrow that I have gleaned from a variety of sources... mainly you guys. If you have anything to add to the list, please comment to this post.
Currently on the list:
Staph Infection
Pinched Artery in Neck/Shoulder (or other cause of low bloodflow to the brain)
Stress / Depression / Other Chemical Imbalance
Try Blood Test
Try Balance Test (to see if one physical side of head is more affected)
I can't imagine it could be anything other than these since my MRI and CT scans are clean, but my imaginer isn't so good these days. All help is greatly appreciated.
12 October 2007
Come On, Monday...
This new dosage would be a lot less bitchabouty if it gave me a two-minute warning before total brain shutdown. Last night on my way back from the Hoover store after a largely successful (but active) day at work, driving into particularly harsh sun-glare was enough of a trigger to shut my brain down. I had no idea where I was, when I should take a left turn or why I was driving to begin with. Fortunately, I hit a couple red lights so I could duct-tape a few brain cells together to manage the drive home.
After eating dinner I was OK until I received four phone calls in about half-an-hour while attempting to do the dishes. Around 8 o'clock or so, I found myself putting away a washed fork... still dripping wet... in the toaster oven.
The pain is still largely gone, and the confusion, rather than running at a constant low voltage, seems to save itself and dogpile me all at once. The visual fuzziness is still around at times (like right now). I think the D-stuff makes me more functional - especially in the 20mg dosage - but I'm definitely not truly better.
Monday afternoon is my appointment. Perhaps Team Wolverine will express some desire to fix my friggin' problem... or at least scientifically approach it. For what they get paid (I saw the insurance EOB - they charged $324 for the hour or less they saw me and got a little over half of that), I damned sure expect some type of effort.
After eating dinner I was OK until I received four phone calls in about half-an-hour while attempting to do the dishes. Around 8 o'clock or so, I found myself putting away a washed fork... still dripping wet... in the toaster oven.
The pain is still largely gone, and the confusion, rather than running at a constant low voltage, seems to save itself and dogpile me all at once. The visual fuzziness is still around at times (like right now). I think the D-stuff makes me more functional - especially in the 20mg dosage - but I'm definitely not truly better.
Monday afternoon is my appointment. Perhaps Team Wolverine will express some desire to fix my friggin' problem... or at least scientifically approach it. For what they get paid (I saw the insurance EOB - they charged $324 for the hour or less they saw me and got a little over half of that), I damned sure expect some type of effort.
07 October 2007
Six Days On - The New Dosage
Interesting so far. Doubling the dosage seems to magnify the effects, both positive and negative. I can do more throughout the day, acting more normal - walk at a nearly normal clip, go for a few hours without confusion, even take on a tough problem or two - but when I'm done, I crash.
Once I'm out of mental energy, I'm useless. I can't even control my personality very well, often reverting to whipped-puppy mode. It's terribly annoying, for me and doubly so for Sally, but I'm getting no help from Team Wolverine. My next appointment with them is October 15 - all I can hope is they at least pretend to give a shit and run some kind of science-based tests or something. I'm not a fan of paying professional rates for guesses.
Once I'm out of mental energy, I'm useless. I can't even control my personality very well, often reverting to whipped-puppy mode. It's terribly annoying, for me and doubly so for Sally, but I'm getting no help from Team Wolverine. My next appointment with them is October 15 - all I can hope is they at least pretend to give a shit and run some kind of science-based tests or something. I'm not a fan of paying professional rates for guesses.
02 October 2007
Double Dose
I got a hold of Doctor Wolverine's secretary yesterday regarding the backsliding. She conferred with His Weaseliness and authorized doubling the dosage of that D-stuff to 20mg. I'm now at 1/7.5th of depression strength, so I'm not concerned yet. Let's just hope it works.
The pain is largely gone, but the increased dosage makes my head itch (it did the same when I went from 0 to 10mg, so that's no surprise). The problem is when I scratch my head, my brain goes blank. I have an Etch-A-Sketch on my neck now - which is no good at all, because I can barely draw boxes on an Etch-A-Sketch.
The pain is largely gone, but the increased dosage makes my head itch (it did the same when I went from 0 to 10mg, so that's no surprise). The problem is when I scratch my head, my brain goes blank. I have an Etch-A-Sketch on my neck now - which is no good at all, because I can barely draw boxes on an Etch-A-Sketch.
28 September 2007
Improvement Has Stopped
Last week it felt like my improvement may have plateaued... now it feels like I may even be backsliding. The dizziness and confusion are back in spurts and I can take a three-hour nap at the word "Go!" any time of the day. Even the dull throb makes a cameo every once in a while, although I wouldn't quite call it pain.
My next appointment with Doctor Wolverine isn't until October 15. If the backslide doesn't stop, I'll have to call them for an earlier follow-up. Maybe NNA (the neurology place) can go to the bullpen and set me up with a different doctor - one who doesn't speak in riddles to a person whose main complaint is confusion and inability to think...
My next appointment with Doctor Wolverine isn't until October 15. If the backslide doesn't stop, I'll have to call them for an earlier follow-up. Maybe NNA (the neurology place) can go to the bullpen and set me up with a different doctor - one who doesn't speak in riddles to a person whose main complaint is confusion and inability to think...
24 September 2007
So Long Summer Of Suck
Let's all hope autumn works out really well - mainly because I'll be an even more miserable pain in the ass to be around if it doesn't, and Sally has to have caught her limit of me by now.
My recovery seems to have plateaued (how the hell do you spell that word anyway?) I'm largely functional in small doses, but physical activity still puts the sledgehammer to my brain. Basically the D-stuff at its current dosage holds he at the Caesar the Wrestling Bear level of functionality - just enough to get the job done, but nowhere near enough to be dangerous.
My hand weights mock me. Grumble...
My recovery seems to have plateaued (how the hell do you spell that word anyway?) I'm largely functional in small doses, but physical activity still puts the sledgehammer to my brain. Basically the D-stuff at its current dosage holds he at the Caesar the Wrestling Bear level of functionality - just enough to get the job done, but nowhere near enough to be dangerous.
My hand weights mock me. Grumble...
18 September 2007
Six Days On...
After six days of the D-stuff, the pain is no longer constant, the throbbing, disorientation and spot-seeing are way down, I only slur when I'm really tired, and the drooling is pretty much gone. Physical exertion brings it all back in spades, though.
So far, so not bad. We've got a few more weeks yet - next appointment with Doctor Wolverine is on October 15.
Here's hoping...
So far, so not bad. We've got a few more weeks yet - next appointment with Doctor Wolverine is on October 15.
Here's hoping...
13 September 2007
The Appointment
Sally and I went to the doctor appointment yesterday and described everything to three different levels of doctor people. Their expert conclusion: I have headaches. I'm so glad we paid them for that!
On the bright-ish side, all the tests show no physical damage to my brain. Of course, because those are the only empirical tests the doctor people had available to them, their theories were nearly as unmoored in hard science as mine, so they recommended a course of "treatment" hopefully based on experience in the headache-treating arena.
I'm on a very low dose of some D-word drug normally prescribed for depression (my dosage is 10mg, depression dosage is usually 150mg) for a month to see if it works. A month. If it works, yay. If not, I may be this retarded for four more weeks and no closer to an answer. If it sorta works, we tweak the dosage.
I appreciate the openness of the Main Doctor when he says he's not 100% sure that this D-stuff is The Answer. I appreciate the low-wattage trial dosage to reduce the chances of my trading one horrid headfuck for another. I also have never heard of headaches being a core problem rather than a symptom - but I don't get paid for hearing about nerve/head problems and presumably he does.
I'm no fan of being a pincushion for the pharmaceutical industry, but I'm less of a fan of being a moaning zombie, a danger to driving society, and a burden to my family. Since Doctor Man laid what few cards any of us have on the table, I'm willing to play.
More later.
On the bright-ish side, all the tests show no physical damage to my brain. Of course, because those are the only empirical tests the doctor people had available to them, their theories were nearly as unmoored in hard science as mine, so they recommended a course of "treatment" hopefully based on experience in the headache-treating arena.
I'm on a very low dose of some D-word drug normally prescribed for depression (my dosage is 10mg, depression dosage is usually 150mg) for a month to see if it works. A month. If it works, yay. If not, I may be this retarded for four more weeks and no closer to an answer. If it sorta works, we tweak the dosage.
I appreciate the openness of the Main Doctor when he says he's not 100% sure that this D-stuff is The Answer. I appreciate the low-wattage trial dosage to reduce the chances of my trading one horrid headfuck for another. I also have never heard of headaches being a core problem rather than a symptom - but I don't get paid for hearing about nerve/head problems and presumably he does.
I'm no fan of being a pincushion for the pharmaceutical industry, but I'm less of a fan of being a moaning zombie, a danger to driving society, and a burden to my family. Since Doctor Man laid what few cards any of us have on the table, I'm willing to play.
More later.
11 September 2007
Still Here, Still Afflicted
I haven't made the time to post for a while, since I've been either too busy or too dizzy for every friggin' minute of my life since my last post. Nothing has changed - no better and no worse. Take that as it is.
Tomorrow is my first appointment with my neurologist. As I told Bruce, if I don't get some sense of direction from tomorrow's appointment, I may just go Virginia Tech on a few K-Street health-insurance lobbying firms. My reasons are both cathartic and practical, since were I a prisoner, I'd have gotten answers about my head condition in less than two f#$%ing weeks.
Tomorrow is my first appointment with my neurologist. As I told Bruce, if I don't get some sense of direction from tomorrow's appointment, I may just go Virginia Tech on a few K-Street health-insurance lobbying firms. My reasons are both cathartic and practical, since were I a prisoner, I'd have gotten answers about my head condition in less than two f#$%ing weeks.
02 September 2007
What Is Wrong With You?
I'm confused and/or dizzy on and off. Any physical exertion above walking at grampa's pace reignites the stabbing headache (which makes me think there's some neuro-vascular connection). Occasionally (like right now) I see the haloes or spots that precede a migraine. I can't read a physical newspaper anymore because the multi-article layout prevents me from focusing on any one piece (on-line single-article news reading is still pretty much OK, so long as it doesn't make me think.) Thinking causes pain (could be blood-to-brain related like above), but well-learned / reflex and natural mental activities are still largely unaffected. My Wednesday night trivia skillz are still quite mad indeed - that's simple recall.
Other things that I had before the incident but have gotten worse since:
(a) I drop things. My hands sometimes don't do what I tell them to.
(b) Spaghetti legs. Sometimes my knees don't hold when I take a step forward.
(c) Slurring of speech.
(d) Confusion to the point of abject frustration, especially in getting words from my brain to my mouth.
(e) My desire for hot caffeinated beverages borders on the insatiable. It's almost to the point where I'll drink office coffee... almost.
(f) Drooling. Seriously. My involuntary saliva production has increased astronomically. I'm not proud, I'm just sayin'.
More as I recall them. Watch this space.
Other things that I had before the incident but have gotten worse since:
(a) I drop things. My hands sometimes don't do what I tell them to.
(b) Spaghetti legs. Sometimes my knees don't hold when I take a step forward.
(c) Slurring of speech.
(d) Confusion to the point of abject frustration, especially in getting words from my brain to my mouth.
(e) My desire for hot caffeinated beverages borders on the insatiable. It's almost to the point where I'll drink office coffee... almost.
(f) Drooling. Seriously. My involuntary saliva production has increased astronomically. I'm not proud, I'm just sayin'.
More as I recall them. Watch this space.
What The Hell Happened To You?
Monday morning 27 August 2007, I was doing my pushups when I felt a little twinge just above my left eyebrow. I was immediately overwhelmed with a stabbing pain in my head and nausea. The shower didn't get rid of it. I called off (and I simply don't call off from my new job - I like and respect these people too much) and made couch until my doctor's appointment.
Ever since, I've been confused and/or dizzy on and off. Any physical exertion above walking at grampa's pace reignites the stabbing headache (which makes me think there's some neuro-vascular connection). Occasionally (like right now) I see the haloes or spots that precede a migraine.
My primary physician isn't a head or nerve specialist, so she redirected me to a neurologist. The earliest any neurologist in my network can visit with me is September 12, so I have a good ten days to remain in this state without any answers. The suckery is beginning to mount, but there isn't a whole hell of a lot we can do about it. Eventually, we'll find workable threshholds of activity and try to stick to them - for now we walk blindly forward until we hit a wall, then stop.
Ever since, I've been confused and/or dizzy on and off. Any physical exertion above walking at grampa's pace reignites the stabbing headache (which makes me think there's some neuro-vascular connection). Occasionally (like right now) I see the haloes or spots that precede a migraine.
My primary physician isn't a head or nerve specialist, so she redirected me to a neurologist. The earliest any neurologist in my network can visit with me is September 12, so I have a good ten days to remain in this state without any answers. The suckery is beginning to mount, but there isn't a whole hell of a lot we can do about it. Eventually, we'll find workable threshholds of activity and try to stick to them - for now we walk blindly forward until we hit a wall, then stop.
Purpose of the Blog
Primarily, I'm putting this baby together so I only have to write the details once so all my friends and family are up to speed. My concentration and patience levels aren't too far above the carpet level right now, but I want all the people I care about to have an idea as to why I'm flakier than usual.
This little puppy has me probably more scared for myself than I have ever been in my life. I'm logging my thoughts, feelings, theories (and soliciting yours as well) while I'm still capable of using the English language in its written form to maximize the potential good and/or minimize potential trauma.
I truly don't know the extent of the damage done, but six days on I'm still nowhere near 50% of my "old" self. The last couple days have beed somewhat less bad, but the last couple days have been a weekend during which Sally has protected me from having to do much in the way of thinking, deciding, choosing or really doing anything. That vacation ends Tuesday - I'm fully aware that the worst of it could come right back then.
WARNINGS: This blog will not be nearly as fun / entertaining / snarky as my other stuff. Any amusement or enjoyment factor will be derived from natural sources - I'm going to be pretty straightforward here. Thus any criticism of quality of content or tactical writing flaws (spelling, punctuation, etc.) will be met with derision heretofore unexperienced by any living being in Earth's history not named Pauly Shore.
This little puppy has me probably more scared for myself than I have ever been in my life. I'm logging my thoughts, feelings, theories (and soliciting yours as well) while I'm still capable of using the English language in its written form to maximize the potential good and/or minimize potential trauma.
I truly don't know the extent of the damage done, but six days on I'm still nowhere near 50% of my "old" self. The last couple days have beed somewhat less bad, but the last couple days have been a weekend during which Sally has protected me from having to do much in the way of thinking, deciding, choosing or really doing anything. That vacation ends Tuesday - I'm fully aware that the worst of it could come right back then.
WARNINGS: This blog will not be nearly as fun / entertaining / snarky as my other stuff. Any amusement or enjoyment factor will be derived from natural sources - I'm going to be pretty straightforward here. Thus any criticism of quality of content or tactical writing flaws (spelling, punctuation, etc.) will be met with derision heretofore unexperienced by any living being in Earth's history not named Pauly Shore.
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